As I walk around my house, my heart starts beating and then suddenly I feel like I am about to cry. Cry.....over the overwhelming feeling of "so much to do". I throw myself on the bed and in the back ground, I hear the kids laughing, some fighting, one on the computer, the little boy next door is ringing the door bell, and the baby needs to be held and nursed once again (I had just laid her down about 15 minutes ago). More tears start to well up in my eyes. "Quick, I can't let the kids see me like this!" I get up and walk around my room and start by making my bed, at 1 in the afternoon. I then take a few deep breaths and ask the Lord, my very best friend...."Why do I feel this way..."Why can't I seem to get it together, you would think after so many years"...."I don't know if I can do this".....I take another deep breath, while still making my bed. Once my bed is made, I start picking up the clutter on my dresser. I can hear the baby in the living room crying. I then hear the Lord speak to my heart...."This is a season"...."Take small steps and small chunks"..."Soon enough, before you know it, the baby is going to not be so needy, she'll be all grown up"...Then I say..."Yeah, and then I will want another baby to hold...LOL" I finish up cleaning my room and have realized the panic I was feeling is gone. I start feeling better and walk into the living room, pick my little baby up and hold her oh so very close to my heart. I breathe in the smell of my ever growing 4 month old, remembering that just the other day she was born.
Yes, on occasion I feel this type of anxiety. And oh so quickly do I run to the Father for His help and guidance. He knows all things: how to manage my home, manage the screaming babies, and fighting children. I am so thankful he is quick to ease the feelings of torment that come from feeling inadequate and not able to run my home smoothly. How do I manage this chaos??....Lots of "help me's" to the Lord. I come to Him while I am making the bed, changing a diaper, loading laundry, teaching math. When panic rises up, I know who to go to.
There is so much to get accomplished. So many places to begin. When I start to look at the BIG picture, I feel so stressed and so helpless. I know I just need to take one step at a time..... One room at a time......One dresser, closet, or drawer at a time. Soon enough the one dresser, closet, drawer will turn into one whole room, and then into the entire house....(just hoping it stays that way..LOL)
(I organized my closet a few days before leaving for vacation. And like I said....one closet at a time and soon enough the whole house will be in order.....yay--I still want to organize this closet better. I need some of those little baskets.)