I hope this post isn't to sad.
I am feeling sad tonight.
Why?
I don't know.....
I guess just the fact that as I walk through my house and look around I think how my house isn't a home.
Why?
It isn't that I don't want to make it nice.
I really do!
I just can't.
At least not now....
Until I have more money.
It is hard to make a house into a home when you have no money.
It seems like our whole lives have been about not having enough.
Ok, I know I sound like I am pouting and complaining and I think I am, but I guess I am allowing myself to do this tonight since this is my blog and I need to just
VENT.
LOL
I was crying to my husband again.....
I do this sometimes when I have
ONE OF THOSE DAYS
Yeah, a BIG BABY
I want to be able to:
repair
paint
buy picture frames and fill my walls with pictures of the kids
make a cozy kitchen
buy lots of organizing bins and things
a new bed comforter with matching pillows, curtains
redo the children's bedrooms
blinds....curtains for the house
closet doors--since all my doors are down
a new entertainment center with a big TV (I don't even watch TV, but I like movies)
nice cozy furniture
lamps.....I like soft lighting
a little cozy reading recliner with a little table on the side with a nice lamp on it
just so I can read the bible and watch the kids play
more glasses since they have almost all broken (I use jelly jars now)
matching plates
oh and a van to fit my whole family (our current one seats eight)
and I want to have grass in my front yard with flower beds all over
I want play equipment for the children and have a beautiful oasis in my backyard
I want......
I know these are "wordly things". I know I shouldn't want these things......is it OK to want a nice home?
Maybe I just need to live in a grass hut with a dirt floor and forget about the nice things.
Just bring people to Jesus.
But Jesus visited homes
I bet He visited nice homes
All of this "house a home" thing isn't a big deal most of the time
Then there are days that I do desire these things and want the money to just go and spend and make my GARDEN OF EDEN!
I guess it's hard when you live within the same walls, 24/7 and you never leave.....
You get a bit stir crazy and want to
CHANGE THE ATMOSPHERE
a bit
I have prayed about this already and know God has heard me and has answered.....
He always answers
I just don't know what the hold up is
I gotta ask Him again....
Lord, what's the hold up......
Chris
