The picture above is of The Greenbrier Resort in West Virginia

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Saturday, February 13, 2010

I want a home

I hope this post isn't to sad.

I am feeling sad tonight.

Why?

I don't know.....

I guess just the fact that as I walk through my house and look around I think how my house isn't a home.

Why?

It isn't that I don't want to make it nice.

I really do!

I just can't.

At least not now....

Until I have more money.

It is hard to make a house into a home when you have no money.

It seems like our whole lives have been about not having enough.

Ok, I know I sound like I am pouting and complaining and I think I am, but I guess I am allowing myself to do this tonight since this is my blog and I need to just
VENT.

LOL

I was crying to my husband again.....

I do this sometimes when I have
ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Yeah, a BIG BABY

I want to be able to:

repair
paint
buy picture frames and fill my walls with pictures of the kids
make a cozy kitchen
buy lots of organizing bins and things
a new bed comforter with matching pillows, curtains
redo the children's bedrooms
blinds....curtains for the house
closet doors--since all my doors are down
a new entertainment center with a big TV (I don't even watch TV, but I like movies)
nice cozy furniture
lamps.....I like soft lighting
a little cozy reading recliner with a little table on the side with a nice lamp on it
just so I can read the bible and watch the kids play
more glasses since they have almost all broken (I use jelly jars now)
matching plates
oh and a van to fit my whole family (our current one seats eight)

and I want to have grass in my front yard with flower beds all over
I want play equipment for the children and have a beautiful oasis in my backyard
I want......

I know these are "wordly things". I know I shouldn't want these things......is it OK to want a nice home?

Maybe I just need to live in a grass hut with a dirt floor and forget about the nice things.
Just bring people to Jesus.

But Jesus visited homes
I bet He visited nice homes

All of this "house a home" thing isn't a big deal most of the time

Then there are days that I do desire these things and want the money to just go and spend and make my GARDEN OF EDEN!

I guess it's hard when you live within the same walls, 24/7 and you never leave.....
You get a bit stir crazy and want to
CHANGE THE ATMOSPHERE
a bit

I have prayed about this already and know God has heard me and has answered.....
He always answers
I just don't know what the hold up is
I gotta ask Him again....

Lord, what's the hold up......


Chris

6 comments:

momstheword said...

It's funny that you post this tonight. Earlier I was thinking about some people we know. I will never have a big house like that or go on vacations like that.

I married for love, and did not choose my husband based on the job that he had and the lifestyle that he could provide for me. I know people who married based on what money their hubby made.

But you know, I don't regret my choices either. My husband and I are still in love and I thank the Lord for Him!

When the kids were little and money was very tight, I remember wishing I could decorate and buy fresh flowers and do all sorts of things to make my house a beautiful "home!" I imagine that I made my hubby feel bad about his provision for me, but I didn't realize it at the time.

All this to say that I totally understand how you feel. I was there myself when the kids were little.

Sure, if I'd gone back to work we would have had more money, but I couldn't bear to leave them. So I homeschooled and stayed home with them. That is precious time that you will never get back, you know?

We still live somewhat frugally, and I guess we always will. But as you mentioned the grass hut, we are living like royalty compared to that. I am just so thankful to have a roof over my head, and food and a healthy family!

Mrs. Taffy said...

Okay, just to start things off, here's a hug! Really, you are not crazy to desire to have a nice home, I think God put that in women, the need to make things Cozy and Beauty, just look at God's creation-that's what he did too! I know it's hard when we can't afford to get the things we need and want, contentment is a beast that is hard to tame! I find when I start feeling this way, the best thing to do is clean out a closet. Or rearrange a room and deep clean it really well. Either of those activities always refocus me and create a thankful heart in me and allow me to feel like I have something "new."

I wonder, can you have a garage sale? You might be able to earn a little cash to buy paint...Paint is relatively inexpensive and makes such a HUGE improvement!

I want you to know, we drink out of jelly jars too, and canning jars! It's the new decorating rage,called "the great recession fine drinkingware," soon all the rich folk will be doing it! lol

We have company this weekend and they have 8 beautiful children, one is 10 months old and we are all just ga-ga over this little baby. There in lies the real wealth and the real key to a home, babies and the people who love them. I would give this all up for more children, my children make me feel "rich!"

Hang in there...I'll be praying for you and asking God to touch you and encourage you. If I was closer, I'd come help you set up a garage sale or rearrange a room...maybe you have a friend there who would love too! :o)

love and hugs,
CB in MN

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

Chris, i think you are right to pray about this. I know exactly how you feel. In fact after reading my Better Homes and Gardens magazine(someone gave me) instead of feeling wonderful ideas coming, I felt discontent as I looked at the broken toys and garbage that is laying all over my yard. I saw the retainer walls sagging, the giant trampoline in the front yard taking up so much room, and a house that has been "patched" by not painted. So many thing have to wait.

I used my mad money and redid my bathroom this winter. That felt good. Now I'm going to start saving it for another project.

I will pray for you as well. God knows your heart is pure. You want a nice home for your family. That is a mother's instict. It is something to dream about and strive for in an affordable way. We do not run out and put everything on a credit card! Instead we see each change as a true gift from God, especially if we have to wait.

I appreciate my four bedroom (not fancy) manufactured home so much more, because I had to wait for it. We had four kids in a two bedroom house that was less than a 1000 square feet.

BTW, I would kill for your laundry room! Mine is so tiny. LOL!

I know God is going to get you through this and I can't wait for you to share how He is blessing you!

Chris in FL--Joyful Mother said...

Oh ladies you have touched my heart in so many ways. I treasure your words of love and encouragement and to know that I am not alone with these thoughts.

I know in the midst of what we call "daily life" there is a work being done in the midst of my life that later in life I will look back and say...."wow, Lord thank you for showing me how to be content. And thank you Lord for still listening to my pouting and hearing my heart out. And thank you Lord for always showing me the greater things to come that is beyond materials"

Bless you all!!!

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

The garage sale is a great idea, althought they are tons of work. Also, we use canning jars, too. They are much more durable and the kids love them!

wendyg said...

Chris, I love you so much. Your heart is so precious to God! You have so much treasure in Heaven and I admire you greatly.